At the end of my lifetime

I was born somewhere amongst the sleepy town of the queen city of the south. Blessed with a loving parents and a peaceful environment I grew up a typical town lad. Intelligent, curious, attentive yet shy and well mannered. It was a lovely place to live but for a middle class family, life is a struggle.

My parents decided that we leave our hometown for a more upbeat place when I was ten. It was the most difficult time in my adolescent years. I need to bend to a different culture with different kiddie games, to talk and act like I belong and most of all to become accustomed to the unfamiliar dialect that surrounds me. Few months more and I became comfortable.

Since then I’ve lived a healthy life. I grew up competitive and productive. My youthful outlook inspired many and my innocent vigor brought me to the world of leadership.

My idealism was awakened when I attended University. My robustness to what I thought was right intensified. My need to let my opinions be heard deepened. I was short of wealth yet those were the most satisfying days of my life. Was it the feeling of triumph because I was fighting for a cause? Or was it simply the warmth that freedom brought?

I started to live a good life when I left University. Abundance was how I've recalled it. I was able to help my family, aimed for a higher education for my siblings. I was able to fill our humble abode with things that I previously dreamed about. I was happy to send financial support to my parents and bought them gifts that I could easily afford. But with abundance comes temptation. Given all those fortune, I was introduced to the easiest way to consume it...gambling, bar hopping, sniffing, and the likes. My ones innocent existence was tainted with vices that later brought mist to my radiant future.

Discontentment was what made me took a bolder step. I leaped to the opportunity of becoming a self-sustaining entrepreneur. It was something that I’ve been thinking a lot and imagined myself rose with fame and fortune of a tycoon. I unfortunately ended at the other side of the road. The fortune that I’ve been dreaming of failed to meet me half way. 

Then came the darkest days of my life. I became involved with something that I philosophically detest. Since the situation gave me the slenderest hole to get away with it, I was forced to immerse myself into the hot water and decided to give it a try. It was the worst decision that I’ve ever made. It has stolen away the fire in my heart...came the years of uncertainty and false contentment. Later I saw myself nursing the morsels of what was left of me.

I am now able to see the light…or have I? I have gone out of the hole that imprisoned me for years…or did I? I am now picking up my life and walking at a brighter path…I’m sure I am…I’m sure I’m not. I admit I'm confused. My thoughts are chaotic but my heart is certain unto what I want, yet my actuality refuses to follow my heart's desire. I am thinking of other and doing otherwise. 

I hope to live the life that I've dreamt of…I hope to pick up those scattered pieces…I hope to again see the real me…even if it's at the end of my lifetime.