Reflection

Amidst the shadowy shade of leaves and sweet scent of wood I walked. There I met a gloomy child with a tear stained face and a soulful eyes.

“Why so pale and wan little one?”

“I’ve fought so many battles; I lose some and won many. The taste of victory was sweet but the losses left me scarred and bruised.”  She said.

I followed her along the stony path as she continued talking.

“My life is a gallery of lesson. I believe that strength depends on reason; that no load is heavy when the heart is not greedy; that without pain you cannot appreciate gain; do not be pushed by your problems instead be led by your dreams; that to lose without fighting is to live without living; that man’s only need is to be needed; that happiness is not about getting greater net worth but about cultivating greater self worth; that laughter does not always cure pain but rather hide the hurting. And most especially, a heart that is open to appreciate every blessing should be bigger than the eyes that see what is missing.”

She turned to me and smiled.

“Years passed me by yet I remained a child, inside my armor I hide. Afraid to grow yet continue to fight.”

Looking into her I come to realize, that it was my reflection I see swarming in her eyes.

to believe...

“Care?! A scheme to make me dependent to you and you call that care?!”

She had just received the greatest insult of her life.

She is a woman of strength, influence and vigor, but deep inside she is a vulnerable fool. She could put up a show of gaiety and can make anything sound rational and easy.

He is a man of power and supremacy. A man who could always capture your attention even if you don’t desire it. Yet, he is also a man of longing…a longing that only he can explain…only he can understand.

She met him in one of that gay event. They clicked and started going together. It was a clashed of personality that molded a bind of friendship and she hopefully thought of respect. It’s like walking in two separate directions then meeting halfway.  A path of intellectual learning, a dance on fire and ice. The beauty of sharing absurd ideas and impeccable dreams, of understanding imperfections and flaws. A journey to fantasy and reality. A life under the cycle of the moon.

On one of those bad days a gut was spilled. He was so angry at things she was not able to comprehend. He called her evil hiding those evil doings by looking like an angel. Call her care a scheme to put him under her spell. A scheme to make him dependent to her and call it an insult to his being.  She was hurt…deeply hurt. His words are like swords that cut through her heart…words that she can barely forget. Yet, she knew that she can’t let go.

…despite the hurt and humiliation, she will continue to support him, care for him, to hold his hands…simply because she BELIEVES.

***a tribute to somebody…a way to set her free from bitter feelings and self pity. 

Happiness

When can you say that you are truly happy?

People tend to equate happiness with reaching their goal, achieving what they want to achieve or just simply having a lot in life to enjoy.

Happiness to me is when I am not feeling self-doubt, depressed, hateful, worried, unsatisfied, bored, guilty, discontented, stressed, frustrated, upset, envious, jealous, annoyed... It is something that I consider unachievable (in my life of course).

Life is such a long journey with a lot of bumps and turns. I come to meet different people, each with different identity. I encountered different experiences, some are to be remembered and some are best to be forgotten. In between those experiences comes a ray of happiness. For me, it is not a destination but a journey. It is a part of the bits and pieces of my life. I said a ray of happiness because there was never a time I felt that I am truly happy.

I am a positive thinker and I believe that everything is just a state of mind. Given a situation, outcome will depend upon how I would react to it. I was always able to say I made it through the rain. But that doesn’t mean I am happy. Happiness is the absence of those unhealthy feelings that I’ve mentioned above and unfortunately one or two never leave my side.

Happiness in my own definition is SERENITY.